Baywatch is a 2017 action/comedy film directed by Seth Gordon and based on the television series of the same name. The film stars Dwayne Johnson, Zac Efron, Priyanka Chopra, Alexandra Daddario, Kelly Rohrbach, Jon Bass, and Ilfenesh Hadera. The film follows a devoted lifeguard who butts heads with a brash new recruit, as they uncover a criminal plot that threatens the future of the bay.
Well, this film turned out just as I had expected. Bad. In a world of reboots and sequels, Baywatch isn’t really a shocker of a film that Hollywood would green light, but everyone could have called this film’s failure from a mile away. It wasn’t just a couple of things that made Baywatch bad.. No, it was a lot of things that helped contribute to that. Although I usually write pretty detailed reviews, I don’t have much to say about this one.
The only thing this film did right was its casting. Sure most of the cast was just par, but Efron and Johnson seemed to have done a good job in their respective roles. That honestly doesn’t mean much though, as their characters were (for the most part) underdeveloped. That’s not to say that the rest of the cast did bad, they just weren’t anything outstanding. If anything Priyanka Chopra was the worst villain I have ever seen on the big screen. She was just god awfully acted, and I constantly wanted to punch her in the face. Not because of her character, but because of her stupid huge lips and horrible acting performance. Not. Menacing. At. All.
Another big reason why this film failed in my eyes was it’s writing and joke delivery. It just wasn’t good, guys. Zac Efron had a running joke that they should call the police as they’re just lifeguards, and the entire time he kept repeating himself I kept yelling at the screen hoping the writers would actually listen to me and Zac! Most of the jokes didn’t land in this film, and the continuity was an ugly mess. Don’t get me started on the practicality of most of the scenes in this film. Jesus.. it was bad.
The visuals in this film weren’t so hot either (pun intended), as the CGI that had to be put into this film was just presence breaking. Flaming boat sequence, anyone? The audio mixing and soundtrack was completely forgettable, and I was honestly shocked that people were okay with how this movie panned out. I don’t know what more to say! Sure there were some funny jokes, and decent acting by two of the entire cast members, but it all felt way to forced on the viewer and to the point where they begin referencing the previous stars who were apart in the original TV series. Trying to ride on the success of a franchise that washed up ashore too many decades ago.. yeah, doesn’t work. Also, what was up with all the penises? This was based on a TV show with hot women, not dudes with giant dongs and such!
So what do I give this film, then? Honestly, it’s bad, but it still wasn’t the worst film I have ever seen. Its acting is terrible (except the two I mentioned above), its characters are horrible, its writing is really bad, the villain is more annoying than menacing, and the jokes that it presents throughout the film are either okay or never cause a single chuckle. In the end I decided to give Baywatch a “Bad” on theVade Review Bar. It is a forgettable mess that I would much rather get a sunburn over than see again.
